Twilight Eclipse: The Abridged Version

I have seen the physical form of pointless fodder and it is called "Twilight: Eclipse".   You know what this movie is? It's a filler episode.  There's no progression of the story, no character development and basically no plot. 

Allow me to offer an abridged version of this movie.

EDWARD: Marry Me
BELLA: No
EDWARD: Marry Me
BELLA: No
EDWARD: Marry Me
BELLA: ....Ok 

BELLA: Turn me into a vampire!
EDWARD: No
BELLA: Turn me into a vampire!
EDWARD: No
BELLA: Turn me into a vampire!
EDWARD: ....ok

EDWARD: The evil super strong newborns are coming to kill you.  You have to hide.
BELLA: No. I want to stay with you.
EDWARD: No. It's too dangerous!
BELLA: I want to stay with you!
EDWARD:...ok

SOMEONE: Let's team up!
VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES: NO!
SOMEONE:.............................How 'bout now?
VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES:...ok

JACOB: You love me!
BELLA: No
JACOB: You love me!
BELLA: No
JACOB: You love me!
BELLA: ....I LOVE YOU!
JACOB: Ha! I knew it!
BELLA: I love both you and Edward
JACOB: Soooooooo....that means I have a chance, right?
BELLA: No. Team Edward won, so I love him slightly more than you. 

DAKOTA FANNING: We've decided to spare your life
GIRL FROM SILENT HILL: Really?
DAKOTA FANNING: Nope.
GIRL FROM SILENT HILL: *is killed*


END.


Oh, there's a fight in there somewhere, but it's not important. Ever heard the phrase, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight?" Well, the SUPERDUPERPOWERFULBLOODCRAZYNEWBORNSOFDOOM brought a letter opener against the Death Star.  It was so one sided even the choreography wasn't enjoyable to watch.

Oh! And Almost forgot this scene.  Blink during the actual movie and you'll miss it too.

VICTORIA: I've come to kill Bella!
EDWARD: *points* Look over there!
VICTORIA: *looks* huh? I don't see anything.
EDWARD: *rips her head off*